If I Only Knew
by Mira Black
Summary: Taichi dies in an accident...will Yamato get over it, or will he have an emotional breakdown?... very sad...plese read and review!


Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon... If I did, Frontier wouldn't be the last season of Digimon... ;_; *cries*  
Yes, everyone, it's nearly official... Digimon Frontier is the last season of our beloved Anime, Digimon. I can't believe it myself. I thought I was heartbroken when I found out there would be no more Taichi or Yama, or even Sora for that matter, but I just don't know what I'll do without my Digimon in general! I know most of you will probably think I'm lying, but I'm not. There have always been rumors (and even official info) about a new season about this time of the year, but there haven't been any at all. Yeah there were new Digivices and stuff, but no show. It's really depressing for me. Digimon was pretty much the first Anime I loved, and I mean loved! Everything about it was great, the characters, the plot, the animation, you couldn't help but fall in love with Tai's over-confidence and Yama's "to cool for words" look, but now...no more! *cries hysterically* WAAAAHHH!! I admit, I wanna kill the people at Bandai and Toei for doing this, but you know what's really to blame?...You really wanna know?... TAMERS!!! When Tamer's came out everything about Digimon went down, ratings, toy sales, EVERYTHING!! I mean, even I stopped watching it for a while (and I'm seriously like the BIGGEST Digi-fan EVER!!) It was gay, stupid, even ridiculously retarded at times. I only started watching it again when they went to the Digital World and even then I doubted my love for the show (but I admit the season finale was decent). But when Frontier came out, the flame of obsession was once again rekindled and even though my reception of (the gayest channel in the world!) UPN was bad, I refused to miss a single episode because the similarities between Frontier and Adventure were so uncanny that it made me think of the good ol'' days when the leader and the 'rebel' would fight, the lil' kid would cry over anything, and there was an evil kid who turned good *sigh* Boy I missed that..... Now any one who thinks I'm a ditz, go ahead and laugh, but I know I'm not the only one who wishes that Digimon wasn't ending and that we could look forward to a new season with some new kids, or even the old ones for that matter because even though the concept was becoming old and forgotten, it was just nice knowing it was there.....So this story is dedicated to all those people who ever had a special place in their hearts for Digimon, because now it really is the end of an era....  
  
Oh yeah, and if anyone disagrees with me in saying that 'Digimon: Tamers' wasn't the downfall of Digimon, they can take it up with me and my posse, cuz dammit we did research so I know what I'm talking about! And Frontier is Hella Better than Tamers anyway!  
  
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- If I Only Knew -  
  
Yamato's POV-  
  
I was just walking on the streets of Tokyo, I needed to be alone, especially after a fight with Taichi. Even though it was the morning after I was still pissed off.  
  
"Fucking asshole....standing me up like that...."  
  
I mumbled stuff to myself as crowds of people passed me by. I seemed spaced out, I didn't even notice my phone was ringing until a stranger tapped me on the shoulder and told me. The caller ID said it was Taichi's cell.  
  
"What do you want?" I snapped.  
  
"Matt? It's me..." A girl's voice spoke.  
  
"Hikari?..."  
  
"Yamato....you have to get to the hospital, there's been an accident."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Taichi's dead Yamato....."  
  
I ran down the street, as fast as I could screaming into my cell phone,  
  
"No! Please tell me it's not true Hikari!! It can't be true!!"  
  
" I'm sorry Yama..." she sobbed, "Please, just get to the hospital."  
  
She hung up as I ran, going faster and faster. The hospital wasn't too far from where I was now. I turned the corner and ran through the automatic sliding doors to see the whole Yagami family and the rest of the Digidestined standing there. Hikari was crying her eyes out and Mr. Yagami was holding his wife who was frantic.  
  
When Hikari saw me she ran up and hugged me as tightly as she could. I looked down at her and asked,  
  
"Is he really gone Kari? Is Taichi really gone?"  
  
She buried her face into my chest and I felt her nod to signal that all the horrible things they told me were true. I felt a chill run through my body as I pushed her away to go outside.  
  
The hospital seemed silent to me as I took each step to the doors that revealed a sunny sky that seemed cloudy to me. I stared at the street, watched the cars whiz by and finally I screamed,  
  
"Why you Taichi?! Why did God have to take you first?!" I sobbed, "Why not me?.."  
  
I broke down, people just stared at me as if I was crazy or something, but I didn't care. All I could think about was the last conversation we had, which was horrible...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Matt, sometimes I don't even know why I'm friends with you!!!!"  
  
"Well, the same goes for you Mr. Oh-I'm The Best Soccer Player ever, so I don't even have to call my best friend to tell him not to go to the movies cuz there was a last minute practice!!"  
  
"Well, it's not my fault you're so stupid not to figure out that after waiting for an hour that I wouldn't show up!"  
  
"But Taichi! You're always late so how the fuck was I supposed to know that this was any different!"  
  
"I don't know, you even said yourself that you're smarter than me and that I'm only good for playing sports, so why don't you go figure it out braniac!"  
  
"You know what Tai? Just go fuck off cuz I never want to see you again..."  
  
"Fine..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Why did 'I never want to see you again' have to be the last thing I ever said to him?"  
  
I felt like ripping my hair out. It wasn't fair. He was the only person in the world that had all the qualities everyone wished they had. He was nice, compassionate, loving, good-looking, athletic, extremely friendly, responsible, smart (when it came to important things), talented, and he was just everything...  
  
" I didn't even get to tell him..." I cried.  
  
"Tell him what?" Sora came out and asked.  
  
"Nothing... just never mind."  
  
"Matt?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You know this is hard for all of us, but all of us just wanted to let you know that, we're here for you."  
  
"Thanks," I looked away from her, "but you have no idea, what I'm going through right now..."  
  
"Okay, but do you want to come back in? Mrs. Yagami wanted to talk to you."  
  
"Sure."  
  
I followed Sora to Mrs. Yagami who instantly wrapped me in a hug that made me feel that she knew exactly what I was feeling.  
  
"Yamato, I'm so sorry...I know you were his best friend and it hurts me even more to tell you this, but before he passed, he wanted to see you."  
  
I nodded as I felt the tears begin to flow again, "Did he say anything?"  
  
"No, but he said to give you this note, and if I read it," she tried to laugh through her tears," He'd haunt me."  
  
"That's Taichi..." I simply replied as she slipped the letter into my pocket.  
  
"Now don't cry Yama..." She said as she wiped some tears from my face, "Tai wouldn't want to see you like this."  
  
I cracked a small smile for her before I sat down and unfolded the letter that he wrote earlier that morning. It read;  
  
Matt,  
  
I know sometimes I'm a real moron and that I'm totally not punctual, so I wanted to apologize for being such a jerk. You know I would never really want to hurt you. You're my best friend after all, and I wanted to let you know that I promise I'll always be there for you, no matter what. Never forget that okay? If you're still mad, don't call me k. I'll just call you. Just kidding.  
  
-Taichi  
  
P.S. BTW, I need to tell you something, so seriously, call me. ~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I know the letter was supposed to help, but it just made me hurt more inside. My insides churned and I thought I would be sick. My face was buried in my hands and I began to mumble,  
  
"But, you broke your promise Tai... you won't be there, ever."  
  
I sat there, staring at the tile floor. I wanted to go home and cry until I couldn't cry anymore, but I felt if I left I'd never get to see him again, and I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that. I wanted to see him, to touch him. Even if he couldn't see or touch me back, that was all I wanted.  
  
Everyone had their backs to me. I guess I was that sickening of a sight, all pale with pink eyes and shit. I stood up and walked to the doctor who just finished speaking with Taichi's family.  
  
"Can I see him?"  
  
"What?" The doctor replied.  
  
"Can I see Taichi?"  
  
"I don't know if I can let you son, I mean I wouldn't even let his sister see him, so I highly doubt that you can."  
  
"But, you don't understand sir. He was my best friend in the world, I never even thought about losing him before because we vowed to always be there for each other, through thick and thin. And now..."  
  
"Tell you what, I'll let you in for 5 minutes, but only 5 minutes."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, just follow me real quick."  
  
I practically ran through the halls following the doctor, until finally we stopped in room 849 and he opened the door for me.  
  
"Just hurry up, I could get in big trouble for this."  
  
I nodded, "Thanks, you really don't know what this means to me sir."  
  
"Yeah, just hurry..."  
  
I walked into the room to see him, and there he was. Lying there by the open window, the sun shining on his face. He looked so alive. I ran to his bedside and hugged him, and I felt like I could die when for the first time ever he didn't respond.  
  
"You're just sleeping Tai," I said, "and any minute now you'll wake up and tell me this was a sick joke."  
  
Silence. I started to weep again. This was too weird for me. He was always the loudest person in a room, so obnoxious and crazy. He brought out the fun in everyone.  
  
I held his hand which was in a fist, it was cold, like the feeling I had in my heart right now.  
  
"I never got to tell you Tai," I whispered, " My biggest secret of all..."  
  
Then I screamed at the top of my lungs in the small room,  
  
"I never told you that I love you!" Then I put my face down on his chest and cried," and now you'll never know.... I waited too long. Taichi, if I only knew that you'd be gone today I would've treasured every last second we spent together, every word you spoke to me and every time you touched me."  
  
"If I only knew, I would've really laughed at every single stupid thing you've done, and I would've spent so much more time with you than I did. If I only knew that yesterday was gonna be the last day I would hear your voice or see your stupidly large-haired, goggle-head I would've told you that I actually feelings for you, and not just as a 'friend'."  
  
"If I only knew, then I wouldn't have been such a fucking jerk and said that I never want to see you again. You knew I didn't really mean it, right? You never knew how much you meant to me! You always said the right things and did the right things. You were what made my life worth living, you were what made my life good..."  
  
For awhile I just sat down next to him. I kissed his forehead which was still warm from the sun and I just looked at him. I didn't want to leave, but my 5 minutes were gone and I didn't want the doctor to get in trouble so finally I stepped up and gently placed a kiss on his lips.  
  
"Please wake up Yagami, cuz I'll be waiting for your call..."  
  
As I walked out of the room I heard something drop from his hand I was holding. It was a different note, all crumpled up, but it was written nicely and in blue ink, and my name was on it. I quickly snatched it and shoved it in my pocket right before the doctor came in and announced,  
  
"Time's up kid... did you get to say 'good-bye' ?"  
  
I nodded 'yes' as I looked back at his still body one last time.  
  
"Doctor?" I began as he escorted me back to the lobby.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm just curious, what happened, how did he die?"  
  
"You really want to know?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well... he was hit by a car while he was on his way home from soccer practice..."  
  
"Hit by a car!"  
  
"The driver was drunk, and unfortunately he lost control and hit Taichi before running into a tree, and nearly killing himself too."  
  
"Damn bastard deserves to die..." I mumbled.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"Nothing..."  
  
"Well, I have to go on my rounds for the hour, you'll find the lobby down this hall and to the left."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome, and you have my deepest sympathies."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*  
  
Once I was back in the lobby with his family Mr. Yagami came up to me,  
  
"Matt, we're gonna head home, Hikari fell asleep and the others left. You're more than welcome to come with us if you want."  
  
"I would really like that, thank you Mr. Yagami."  
  
He nodded and smiled at me before he picked up Hikari and signaled for me to follow him to their car. I shoved my hands into my pockets and grasped the crumpled note before I took a seat next to Hikari in the backseat. The sun was setting, just like it had on Taichi's life. I started to cry again, it was just inevitable.  
  
I finally decided to take out the note and read it. I slowly unfolded it, I was so scared. There were small blood stains on the paper and I cringed at the sight before I began to read the letter itself;  
  
Yamato,  
  
It's been 6 years since we've first met and went to the Digi-world together, and having you as my best friend has made my life the best it can be. All of the best times in my life happened when I was with you. You bring out the best in me and even though you may act cold and emotionless, I know the real you. I know you're more than good-looks and popular with the girls. You're funny and nice, compassionate and a good cook, and god- dammit you're the best damn bass guitar player I know!  
  
What I'm really trying to say is, I love you Yamato. But for nothing more than who you are, not what you see in the mirror. I truly know that beauty is only skin deep, (I mean just look at Mimi without her make-up! ^_^ just kidding). It may seem weird, but I mean every word of it.  
  
If anything ever happened to you I know I would be sad, I don't doubt that, but life goes on. And I want you to promise me the same thing. If something happens to me Yamato, and we never see each other again, I want you to be happy and not cry over me......  
  
That's where it ended. It was never finished....  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
"It's like he knew he was going to die today..." I cried as I watched my tears fall onto the paper and make the ink run, "It's just not fair God. He's such a good person, he didn't deserve to go first. At least not before me."  
  
"Don't say that Matt..." Hikari said as she scooted closer to me. I guess she just woke up to hear me say that, "No one deserves to die, it's just the way life goes."  
  
I looked at her and uttered, "I just can't beieve it, that's all. And I was so mean to him yesterday."  
  
"I know, he told me about your fight last night."  
  
"He did?"  
  
"Yeah," she began to cry a little again, " he said it's hard to hear the one you love most to say such horrible things to you."  
  
"You know I didn't mean it, I was just mad. Even you have to admit, Taichi was infuriating at times."  
  
"Yeah." She giggled, "But I still loved him."  
  
"Of course, no one couldn't help but love Taichi. No matter how stubborn or stupid he was."  
  
"I think we all know what you mean..." Hikari replied as she leaned on my shoulder and fell asleep.  
  
"Thank you Hikari....." I whispered. It really helped to think of all the good times, I knew I would really miss them.....  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~  
  
One week later...  
  
It was Taichi's funeral. Somehow I was making through it. I knew I had to behave myself and not break-down, especially in front of his family. The minister was speaking,  
  
"And now would Yamato please come up and say a few words about Taichi..."  
  
I stood up and walked to the podium, past the coffin that was decorated with flowers and a picture of him with Agumon that was taken last Christmas. I stood there and stared at the sea of mourning people dressed in black. I saw Hikari give me a thumbs up as she smiled through tears and that gave me the strength to speak;  
  
" As everyone knows, I'm Yamato Ishida, Tai's best friend. A week ago today my best bud was taken away not just from me, but from all of us.  
  
Taichi was pretty much the greatest guy anybody could know. He was captain of the soccer club, not really the brightest, nice, friendly, compassionate, and man was he the funniest guy you could meet. I first met Tai 6 years ago at summer camp, and I admit, I thought he was a sort of jerk at first, but I grew to love him as a brother, and maybe even more.  
  
The night before he passed away, we got into a big fight, and I felt so guilty when I found out the horrible knews of the accident. I was more than heartbroken, I was devastated, until I read a letter that he wrote to me earlier that day. It said, 'If anything ever happened to you I know I would be sad, I don't doubt that, but life goes on. And I want you to promise me the same thing. If something happens to me Yamato, and we never see each other again, I want you to be happy and not cry over me......'.  
  
And since I've read that I haven't cried, because I promised him I wouldn't. So please, I'm asking you to not cry for Taichi anymore, because we all know he wouldn't like that, and I wouldn't doubt that he would probably haunt you all....  
  
But seriously, if all the people here, who were either teammates, teachers, coaches, classmates, or even just acquaintances of Taichi, will just keep him in their hearts and minds. His spirit will live on and none of us will ever forget that soccer-playing goggle-head......"  
Once I finished I walked back down and took my seat next to Hikari. I looked at he and asked,  
  
"Did I do good?"  
  
I watched her wipe her tears from her face and reply,  
  
"You did perfect Yamato. I even bet Taichi is smiling right now..."  
  
I smiled as I held Hikari's hand and said,  
  
"I hope so Kari, I hope so......"  
~*The End*~  
So....? Was it sad ? I cried a little while writing this because most of this story is based on real-events. Earlier this year my mom's boyfriend died so this story was inspired by her experiences. Personally I like this story a lot and so do my friends. Please review it, I think that really, it's the only thing that can make me feel even the slightest bit better, especially since Digimon is ending for good. Well, this is all.... Until next time. Sayo Nara! 


End file.
